This is my first “requested” blog.  Until now, I’ve simply written “in the moment” from my own, personal/ creative/emotional/ spiritual/philosophical space.  However, I was recently asked to talk about “change,” and I’ve had to sit with that request for a moment.  I had to gather my thoughts, or as my granny would say, I had to “get my bearings.” I did not want to unnecessarily complicate the notion, but I did not want to oversimplify it either.  If change were simple, we’d all do it.  We’d lose those ten pounds.  We’d stop smoking.  We’d step into our dream careers.  We’d get off of drugs. We’d start eating healthier. We’d stop demeaning ourselves.  We’d become billionaires.  You get the point.  But change is not that simple.  It doesn’t “just happen.” You cannot wish upon change. You cannot imagine change, and then wah lah, there it is.  Rather, change is a decision or a series of decisions followed by actions and commitment. 

Before I go any further, let me clarify that change can be subjective or objective.  You can be the subject or you can object of change.  To be the subject of change means that you are in the driver’s seat.  You are the person initiating change.  It is an active endeavor. Whereas, to be the object of change means that you are being acted upon.  Someone else has initiated change and you are the passive (intentional or not) recipient. I do understand that some passivity is the result of victimization, but that goes further into objective change than I want to go in this post.  Here, we will focus on subjective change.

So now, on to the essence of the request.  I imagine the requestor is asking, “How do I change?” He is saying, “I want to change.  I’ve been in this position way too long, and I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I know THIS isn’t working, but I just can’t seem to stop and do something different.  I try to get up, but I just keep falling back into the same old rut over-and-over again.”  I hear you!  Your THIS may not be the same as my THIS; nevertheless, we still both have a THIS.  I believe that quite often, we make emotional decisions to change, which means that when our emotional state changes, so does our commitment.  Change is calculated; it requires strategy, and effective change is best planned when we are in a rational state of mind. So get beyond your emotions and have a real, good, sit-down conversation with yourself about what it is you are trying to do.

Once, you’ve determined your goals, you’ve got to “chunk” it.  Break that goal, which is the intention of your change, into smaller components or tasks. Change must be manageable.  A fatal flaw is to try to do everything all at once or to make a drastic or severe overhaul. It becomes overwhelming and/or too daunting, which ultimately causes us to give up and feel like failures.  Instead, commit to incremental change.  Back to the ten pounds – if you need to work out in order to lose the ten pounds, you can “chunk” that into losing one pound per week.  Now, to accomplish that, you determine you need to get up earlier than usual in order to work out.  However, you know that you usually sleep late.  Don’t plan to begin waking up three hours earlier on day one. That’s sabotage! Plan to get up 15 minutes earlier for the first few days.  Then plan to get up 30 minutes earlier. Then 45, 60, etc.  The point is, you’ve got to make it manageable because it must be something you can commit to! And by the way, commitment isn’t optional. Neither is it subject to the whim of your emotions or situation.  Commitment requires that you do what you said you would do regardless of the circumstances.

One last note: effective change is generally an inside-out process. This means that you must first change your mind, your desires, your inner self and allow those changes to emanate into your external (physical) self and your actions.  This requires work. Some might even say that this is the most difficult part of change.  It requires that you get to the “why” of the “what” — why you do what you do.  It requires you to understand and deal with the root or cause of your situation.  You must be honest and take responsibility when appropriate and discard guilt when it’s not.  You’ve got to identify your strengths and your weaknesses, your gifts and your flaws. You cannot lie to yourself about the truths of your circumstances. 

You can do it!  Decide – Act – Commit – Repeat as needed!