Experiences and circumstances may shape who you are, but they do not have to dictate who you become.  I am not one to idly say, “Just get over it,” or “just forget about it and move on.”  I know personally that there are some situations that leave irreparable scars, and that some scars are so deep that they seemingly define your whole life.  They dissect it or divide it. Your life becomes two parts:  before the scar and after the scar.  These scars silence you or send you into hiding.  They are so ugly that you bury them beneath shame, guilt, and self-loathing.  Often, your actions and reactions are based on (or a result of) the scar and do not represent who you really are.  They do not exemplify your true self.  Rather, the scar imprisons you and holds you hostage; it keeps you from becoming the person you were intended to be.   But, no longer! Today is a great day to journey towards getting back to who you were created and purposed to be.

First, you must be honest about your situation/scar.  Talk to someone.  Get it out in the open.  Keeping your scar under wraps empowers it to keep controlling you.  There is always that fear of being “found out,” that keeps you in hiding.  Or the shame, guilt, or self-loathing causes you to believe that you are lesser than others or not worthy of being, doing, and expecting great things.  It causes you to settle for less than you deserve.  Tell it!  When you expose the scar, there is a shift in power, and you can begin to heal.  Quite often, you will find that when you expose your scar, there will be others who will show you their scars and say, “Hey, I have that same kind of scar.” You are not alone.

You must also be honest about how your situation/scar influences your behaviors and actions.  It is important that you be able to determine “where you are acting from.”  Many of us are (or have been) acting from hurt places and passing our actions off as natural.  You have to be able to determine the difference between “being shy” and hiding; between “being loud or boisterous” and covering up; between “liking nice things” and trying to buy happiness; between “sexual” and trying to find external love to fill an internal void; the list goes on-and-on.  You have to know where you are acting from.  When you know where you are acting from, you can alter your actions.

Next, you must decide who you are not.  You are not who others have said you are.  You are not your experiences or your situation.  You are not your failures or your flaws.  You are not the scar.  You may have the scar, but the scar does not have you!  Peel away the masks and layers of bandages that you have worn to cover your scar. You’ve got to disrobe!  Take off the negative words, ideas, and feelings that you’ve worn around for so long. Discard them.  Throw them away.  They don’t fit you anyway!

Finally, start to speak the truth of who you really are. Reaffirm yourself. YOU looks good on you!